Sorry if this seems stupid. My kid was diagnosed with type 1 autism, formerly asperger’s. We weren’t even testing them for that (it was adhd), but the doc pointed out a lot of behaviors that are classified as autistic. I never thought of those behaviors that way, because I did a bunch of that stuff when I was a teen, too. I just learned I was weird and figured the rest was due to my super dysfunctional family. I’ve learned to cope. I keep my weirdness to myself and pass for a normal person pretty well. No one would ever guess I’m autistic (again, I’ve no diagnosis but it’s implied).
So, with that context, would there even be a point to getting a diagnosis? What would it benefit me? I’m middle aged, so I don’t need educational accommodations. I’ve learned to adapt, so idk if I’d even be diagnosable.
Idk. I’m still just messed up learning that my kid, who I thought was neurotypical and a LOT like me is considered autistic. How different would my childhood have been if I had been evaluated when I was younger?
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If you are 100% sure, then there probably isn’t much benefit. For me, part of the reason for adult diagnosis was to get rid of the imposter syndrome
was to get rid of the imposter syndrome
How so? I’ve always had imposter syndrome and just assumed everyone did.
Not the person you asked, but I always felt guilty for “claiming” a diagnosis, long after it was official. What if the doc was wrong? What if I’m just too lazy and need to get my shit together? Surely I’m just looking for excuses, because that’s what had been drilled into my head for over 30 years: I can’t be that exhausted, I’m just trying to get out of doing what I’m supposed to.
It’s a weird thing to use the word imposter syndrome on a diagnosis, but that’s exactly what it felt like. I don’t deserve a valid “excuse”. I am conning everyone into cutting me some slack when I’m really just lazy. Took me years of therapy - and, honestly, a job where they tell me I’m doing a lot and supporting my team, even though I still feel like I don’t do anything. The brainwashing is strong when you’re late-diagnosed :(
What if I’m just too lazy and need to get my shit together?
I fight this thought every single day. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s what the anxiety voice repeats. I’ve made bread on a weekly basis for 3 ish years now. I cook and clean daily, a lot. I steward my kids activities… but if something doesn’t grab me, I literally have to talk myself into it. Ugh.
hugs well, now you know: you’re not lazy, this is your brain working against you. I found bribing myself with something I enjoy after I did one thing I don’t helps. It’s like giving my stubborn brainchild a lolli :)
Before I got diagnosed, but after I found out I might be on the spectrum, I spent a lot of energy second guessing whether I was on the spectrum or not.
Maybe all of these things I thought finally made sense were wrong and I didn’t actually get to have this new explanation for why I am like this.
Of course, I did get diagnosed. And I was pretty sure I would, but that waiting to know for sure was hard.
I’m grateful for my adult diagnosis (at age 35) because all of a sudden things made sense. I wasn’t being lazy - people liked to call me that, because on a good day with a topic that interests me I will outperform most people. The logical conclusion was if I can do it once, i can do it all the time, and when my performance is subpar it must be because I’m lazy.
The diagnosis has become my shield and armor. I’m not lazy, my brain just refuses to engage on things that do not interest me. There’s no way I’ll ever get economics, and it’s not because I’m lazy.
It helped me be kind to myself and adjust my plans and choices to my nourology. I may be shitty at economics and in being tactful with people, but I’m a great softwaretester, because I do care about people and want to help avoid making people cranky with dumb mistakes in software. The helpless rage I get from a piece of malfunctioning software is something I want to minimize.
Instead of struggling I enjoy my work now, and having a diagnosis allows me to communicate to people what to expect. I can’t read between the lines - if you want me to do A, tell me so. Don’t mention to me that B and C need someone that needs doing, because I may or may not get you want me to do that - but I sure as hell won’t get that you also want me to do A, even if it is a prerequisite.
I’m able to say that I work better with a dark, quiet place, so please don’t seat me next to the person who has meetings all day. I can probably work without these accomodations, but I’ll be miserable and my work quality will be poor.
Coming back to your question: you don’t need a diagnosis per se. I know people that I suspect are autistic but they would probably feel worse knowing it. But what I think you should do is read up on autism like crazy. For your kid, but also for yourself. Read accounts from autistic people, look for autistic spaces. There’s plenty of organizations that care for profit and not for actually helping autistic people.
What you will gain is insight into how autistics manage life, what helps them, and youecaneuse that knowledge to help your kid and maybe even find ways to improve your environment. Even if you feel well-adjusted, maybe understanding why something works for you and how youecan make it better can help.
The benefit in the diagnosis for me was understanding myself and the ability to adjust my environment to my needs. For me, the diagnosis is incredibly helpful, but for you and your unique situation, it may not. I heard from people in other places that an official diagnosis has negative legal effects on them. Go research, take away what you need, and once you digested the idea and feel you understand more about it ask yourself again if a diagnosis could benefit you.
You’ve lived so long without, a year or two probably won’t make a difference. If anything, hopefully more doctors are aware of autism and able to successfully diagnose you.
I’m perfectly comfortable having self-diagnosed. The diagnosis fits me like a glove, explains so much, and has reframed my entire life in a way that can now be (re)interpreted in a healthy way. My only regret is that I wasn’t diagnosed much, much sooner. (I’ve only known for going on 2 years and I’m in my 50’s.) I don’t see a particular need, in my personal case, to get professionally diagnosed. However, if you’re not comfortable self-diagnosing and you are on the spectrum then getting an official diagnosis really could be a life changing event.
I 100% agree with what @BeautifulMind said and it’s what I would have written, except I’m not that skilled of a writer. :)
I’ve wondered that myself. I don’t have kids but after looking at all the symptoms a lot of them fit, and a couple of friends have told me they “just assumed I was on the spectrum” when I brought it up recently. I had no idea, but I don’t see much use in getting diagnosed now I just turned 40…
a couple of friends have told me they “just assumed I was on the spectrum”
I’m slowly asking people if they thought I was autistic, lol. I’m getting a lot of, “now that you mention it.”